October 31st
by Nienna Mithrandir
Summary: Snape travels to Lily and James' house on Halloween to see if the rumors of their death are true and flashes back to his childhood with Lily. I'm really not good at these...


**_A/N: *Peeks out nervously* Hey... so... it's uh... it's been a while huh? Hahaha...hehe...huh. _**

**_So I would make excuses.. but most of them would probably be lies because I have had nothing going on and have been super lazy lately. Been taking a break really. It's been nice..._**

**_But I am sorry, I do feel bad. So, I've started work on my stories again (Yay!) and look! I even brought you a one-shot!_**

**_So please enjoy!_**

**_Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. Anything familiar all sprouted from the mind of Jo. (Though if you want to give me credit for them anyway I would be fine with that ;))_**

* * *

**October 31st**

The broken splinters of the wood crunched unceremoniously underfoot as he moved tentatively toward the house. He had never been able to bring himself to go to the small home in Godricks Hollow before now, but he had to check, he had to know.

It wasn't looking good.

Charred bits of fabric and wood drifted through the air along with the soft falling snow. The door had been forced and ripped from two of its three hinges, leaving the entry open.

His breaths became labored as he stood in the doorway, anchoring himself against the wall as the heavy smell of burnt wood greeted him. Swallowing his fear he pushed forward.

He followed the trail of burnt wallpaper down the hall, around the corner. He inched up the stairs careful to step over the gaps where the steps had collapsed in. On the second landing he carelessly stepped over the broken body of his enemy. He tried his best not to focus on the wide, cold, dead eyes fixed ever open behind round glasses that had been knocked partially off of the man's face when he fell to the ground, dead before he even made contact with the carpet.

But the man, this dead man, wasn't why he had traveled to this house. So onward he traveled, up the broken staircase and onto the second floor. It was then that he heard the baby crying.

That was the only sign of life coming from the house.

His head spun as he slowly forced his feet forward, his stomach churning as the baby's cries grew louder. He froze on the threshold of the room, his eyes searching in the dark for some movement, for ragged breathing, anything that would let him know that she was okay.

But there was none.

His heart pounded faster and faster, until the thrumming could be felt throughout his body as he made the decision. He had to see, he had to know.

"_Lumos,"_ his voice was thick and rough from the fear that clogged his arteries and stiffened his shoulders.

Light flared from the end of his raised wand and revealed the very thing he hoped never to see.

She lay on the ground, body limp, hair laid around her head in a soft, red halo. She was on her side, her arms overlapping in front of her face, her legs tangled. She could have been asleep. If it weren't for her eyes. Wide with fear, glazed over with death, they stared through the dim light, unblinking.

The small light dimmed further as his wand fell with a soft thud on the plush carpet of the room, swiftly followed by the much heavier weight of his knees. He stared in abject horror at her form.

His choked sobs joined the baby's.

His blood ran cold and his breath stopped flowing. It couldn't be. It couldn't be.

Not her, his love, his life.

His Lily.

With numb and heavy limbs he crawled forward until he reached her side, pulling her frail body into his embrace and letting his head fall to rest in the crook between her shoulder and neck.

He could not live without her. He would not live without her.

His eyes fell closed and his sobbing grew heavier as she traveled through his mind and through his memories.

_"Lily! Lily you're a freak! I'm telling Mummy!" a high shrill voice shrieked after the small girl, running in the opposite direction of the boney girl with beady eyes and flat brown hair._

_She wiped angrily at the tears leaking from her eyes as she slowed her pace and came to sit under the shade of the large elm tree._

_This was her. The girl he had seen for years, but never had the courage to talk to. This was her, and she was like him. A witch._

_But she was also sad, sad because she thought she was different. She thought she was a freak like her sister called her._

_But she was wrong. She was magnificent. Beautiful and smart and talented. But most importantly, she was a witch. She had magic like him, and that meant that she would go to Hogwarts, and if he told her, if he explained all the best parts of being a witch. Maybe she would think he was amazing too._

_Taking deep breaths to gather what little courage he had, he stepped out from behind the other side of the tree._

_She jumped a bit at his sudden appearance, then stared at him with wide, questioning eyes._

_He opened his mouth to say something, something comforting, but nothing suitable came to mind. So, instead, he picked up a fallen leaf, and willed it to fly to her, hoping his magic wouldn't fail him this time. The time he needed it most._

_Thank Merlin._

_She caught the fluttering leaf in her palm and stared at it with interest before a large grin erupted across her face. She looked up at him and smiled with the same intensity as the one she had aimed at the leaf._

_He had never felt so amazing in his lifetime._

His tears continued flowing, and the baby continued to screech. What he wouldn't give to be a child again, with his magnificent Lily by his side. He had loved her even then, even if he hadn't known it at the time.

_Who was he? This boy with messy black hair and a lopsided grin that needed to be slapped off his face, this boy who thought it okay to compliment his Lily, who thought it okay to tell her that Slytherin house was the worst one of all, who polluted her mind with incorrect statements._

_Lily seemed to like him._

_He hated him._

_He swore never to get along with that… James Potter. Never._

_Never._

But it had never stayed that way. For that boy… that James Potter was laying dead on the staircase, because his Lily had chosen him, chosen that idiot Gryffindor, and shoved her oldest friend out of her life.

Her life that had just ended.

_"I don't need help from a… from a stupid little mudblood like her!"_

_'No! Lily, no! I didn't mean it! Don't cry please!' Her face, that sad, broken face had stared at him, horrified._

_That was the first time his heart was broken. If he could change that day, if he could sacrifice anything to change that day he would. That was the worst day of his existence. He hated himself._

But that wasn't the last time his heart had been broken.

_He walked through the corridors, shoulders slumped, hair swinging languidly in front of his eyes. His summer had been horrible, Lily had refused to talk to him, let alone forgive him. It was the same as the summer before sixth year._

_That's when he heard the soft giggle._

_That was Lily's laugh, he would know it anywhere, it was his favorite sound. Her laugh was like starlight, soft and gentle._

_He changed course, followed the sound around the corner where he saw them. That horrid James Potter and his Lily, arms wrapped around one another in a loving embrace as he whispered in her ear, making her laugh quietly once more._

_His heart and breath stopped simultaneously as he felt his heart loose one more bit of itself. As it broke into more pieces._

_Then they kissed. It was soft and heartfelt, and when the broke apart they smiled at one another and brought their foreheads together. They were the picture of happiness. _

_He sunk to the floor, his heart frozen and his breathing shaky as he tried to forget what he had just seen._

* * *

_Seventh year had ended and Lily was no closer to bridging the gap that had formed between them._

_She stayed at home with her parents for a bout a year and a half, and then one day _he_ showed up and took her away._

_The next time he heard of her was when her parents had announced her engagement and wedding plans._

_The time after that had been when she came home, years later, still with him. And this time with child, his child._

_Her parents congratulated them and cared for them, making them promise to alert them to any changes with the baby._

_He spoke to her that last time that day._

_"Lily!" He had called out completely on impulse when he saw her leaving. She turned, eyebrows raised, still as perfect as the day he met her._

_"Oh! Hi Severus," She acknowledged politely, her husband tensed next to her and began to glare._

_"I just, uh, wanted to… congratulate you…" He trialed off, hoping the lie was suitable._

_"Well, thank you," Lily shifted uncomfortably and that James Potter had the audacity to drape his arm protectively over her shoulders. The silence dragged on for a few moments before she spoke again, "It was nice seeing you Severus, but, uh, we better be off,"_

_"You too," he said quietly at the pairs retreating forms. He wished she would say his name, just one more time, it was like the world's best high when she did._

He began shaking her body. But she wouldn't move, wouldn't wake.

Suddenly he set her back down and turned swiftly, moving towards the crib against the back wall of the room and grabbing the bars roughly.

"THIS WAS YOUR FAULT! SHE DIED BECAUSE OF YOU!" He screamed at the child, causing the young boy to wail louder. He sunk further down, until the only thing keeping him upright was the wooden frame of the crib. His sobbing continued.

_"Please, Dumbledore, he thinks the prophecy speaks of her child. He plans to kill her to get to the child! Hide her, hide them all, please, just keep her safe,"_

But it didn't work. The dark lord found her, and killed her. But the boy lived.

"WHY? WHY YOU? SHE DESERVED TO LIVE AND YOU DESERVE NOTHING!"

He froze as large, heavy footsteps rang out from the bottom floor of the house. No, he couldn't leave yet, he had just arrived! But the footsteps grew louder as the man came closer, so he pressed a shaky kiss to her forehead and scrambled to grab his wand.

With a brokenhearted glance over his shoulder he apparated away, to the outskirts of Hogwarts. He needed someone to yell at.


End file.
